This past Thursday, I had a doctor's appointment where I was told that I needed to get back on the low/no-carb diet I had been on. I caved on the low-carb diet after two and a half weeks because I was tired of being hungry all the time. I was told that I needed to do this diet because I have arterial/gut inflammation. I am supposed to go back to the doc in six weeks and then maybe they can add some carbs back into the diet then.
I also had a treatment done on my bladder for chronic bladder pain, a treatment which is not covered by insurance. The supplements I take through this doctor are rather pricey as well. And Matthew sees a naturopath, which also isn't covered by insurance and who can also be very pricey. Hanging over my head is the massive student loan debt we have. The loans are on deferral for right now.
I feel like the woman with the issue of blood who spent everything she had on doctors, and instead, got worse. My husband seems to think it would be good for me to go get a part-time job. He's ignoring the fact that someone has to watch Matthew during the summers. I'm afraid to ask God for total healing, or for financial relief, because what if he says no? And I'm afraid to ask others for help because I am afraid of being told "no" in such a way that will make me sorry I asked to begin with, or "yes" in such a way that the person is really saying, I hope you realize that I'm really putting myself out to do this for you.
I have been totally depressed for the last several days. No one else in my family will eat like I eat. My husband doesn't see the need to, and Matthew is such a picky eater that I just don't feel like dying on that particular hill. And sometimes I wonder, who's telling the truth about food or about health? I don't know who to believe half the time, or who to trust.
Saturday I went shopping for some paleo wraps that were recommended to me. Seven of them cost 12.99. THAT IS CRAZY! And then at Costco, when I was at the checkout counter, I discovered I'd left my debit card at home and I had to put back half the stuff that I'd gotten.
To give you an idea of what the response on Facebook was to my posting about the diet and other issues, I'll give you a few examples:
--Several nice messages of support
--Advice to try eating gluten-free (we've tried twice and no one else will eat it. Matthew doesn't like it and Frank doesn't like it.)
--Run from the naturopath and find a "real" doctor. (I started going to these people because "real" doctors
couldn't diagnose the periodic fatigue I've been having.)
--Put all your faith in God, and do what he says and tithe. (We do tithe. We have it set up to where our contribution is automatically deducted from our account on the first of the month.)
I can't shake these feelings of depression and failure. This one has really hit me hard, and I don' t know why.
Just my .04, adjusted for inflation.